Happy Birthday
by Dr.Sarcastic
Summary: Derek Morgan says Happy Birthday to the child that never was.


Derek Morgan walked into his apartment, throwing his jacket over the back of one of the dining room chairs. He had gotten home a little early, so no one was home yet. Perfect. Every year this day was one of the hardest for him to think about. It brought back memories about the one he lost, and what his life with JJ could have been like if he had made a different decision.

**Seven years ago…**

_Derek awoke to the loud knocking coming from the front door. His sleepy eyes drifted towards the bedside clock. It was seven o'clock, and a Saturday. He reluctantly got out of bed, went downstairs and looked through the peephole. Through it he saw JJ, pacing back and forth rapidly and reaching forward to knock on the door again, probably even more frantically._

"_JJ, what's up?" Derek said, running his hands over his head, "If we have a case, you could've just called…"_

"_Don't you think I know that!" JJ snapped, a look of regret on her face the second she said it, "Look, I'm sorry, I'm just…stressed, I guess."_

"_About what?" Morgan asked, all sleepiness disappearing. _

"_Look," JJ said, her eyes empty, and scared, "Do you remember that time we went to the bar after that case?"_

"_Jayje, no offense, but that's pretty vague." Morgan said._

"_And you remember how you ended up driving me home, and we sat on the couch," JJ said, trying to get to the point, "And I leaned onto you, because I was…drunk, and…well…stuff happened?"_

"_Yes," Morgan replied, slightly sheepishly. "I thought we decided it was just because we were drunk…?"_

"_I'm pregnant."_

"_What? How? I…" Morgan stumbled, confused._

"_Look, I know it's not your problem," JJ said, "And you don't have to worry about it."_

"_What do you mean I don't have to worry about it?"_

**End Flashback**

After that they had a long talk about the entire situation. JJ brought up how their jobs wouldn't allow it, how she was scared, unprepared. How they weren't even a couple. Morgan felt the same. The decision was obvious, but it was the hardest choice of his life. Every year on this day, he would drive past an elementary school on his way to work, look out into the playground and see kids that would have been his son or daughter's age. He wondered what they would have been like. If they would have been like Derek, or even like JJ.

_Please accept my apologies, I wonder what would have been_

_Would you have been a little angel or an angel of sin?_

_Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys_

_Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes?_

Derek insisted on helping pay for the procedure, but it was something Derek hated thinking about. Not because of the money, but because he knew that he was paying for his own child to die.

_I paid for the murder before they determined the sex,_

_choosing our life over your life meant your death._

_And you never got a chance to even open your eyes,_

_sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life._

After that, everything seemed to go on like normal. It was one of the weirdest things ever for him. No one seemed to speak of it again, not even JJ, but it was all he could think about. He wondered if she was just holding in her feelings, or if she didn't have them at all.

_Would you have been a little genius? In love with math?_

_Would you have played in your school_

_clothes and made me mad?_

He tried to console himself with all of the reasons why the child wasn't better off with Morgan and JJ, not in that time, not in the situation they were in. But deep down inside he knew that people had done it before. Emily did it. And it was obvious that Emily was a good person.

_I got a million excuses, as to why you died._

_And other people got their own reasons for homicide._

_Who's to say it would've worked and_

_who's to say I wouldn't have?_

_I was young and struggling, but old enough to be a dad._

"Hello?" A voice called out from the hall, "Anyone here? Morgan?"

"Oh, hey, Sweetheart! Sorry, I must have zoned out…"

It was JJ, now in her late-thirties, he was still with her. History like that you can't erase.

"Daddy!" a little voice squealed as a three year-old boy with black hair and big brown eyes ran towards him. His name was Charlie, and whenever Morgan looked at him, he felt a mixture of happiness and sadness. Happiness because he was his little boy, and sadness because he knew he would have had a big brother or sister if Morgan had made a different decision seven years prior.

_But now you got a little brother, maybe it's really you._

_Maybe you really forgave us knowing we was confused._

_Maybe, every time that he smiles it's you proudly_

_knowing that your father's doing the right thing now._

Every year on this day, Derek Morgan would look up at the sky and say a few words to the child that never was. He would tell them how he was doing, how JJ was doing, but most of all, he would tell them "Happy Birthday".

_And from the Heavens to the womb to the Heavens again,_

_From the ending to the ending, never got to begin_

_Maybe one day we can meet face to face,_

_in a place without time and space._

_Happy birthday_

_

* * *

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**_Just a little, slightly sad fic. Any thoughts? The song is Happy Birthday by Flipsyde. _**


End file.
